9 - Communication Breakdown

In hindsight I shouldn’t have been so shocked when a casual, “What time is it?” completely silenced my usually hyper 2nd grade class. Mouths gaped, fingers fidgeted and a thin line of drool slid deskwards from the tongue of the kid sat nearest. As tumbleweed blew between the chairs a faint voice in the back of my mind mocked with memories of, “Bueller… Bueller…”

I can’t really blame them; I know too well that you simply can’t get another language to properly sink in without the proper motivation. English teachers in Japan know that they may well be teaching something few of the students will ever use again, though of course our presence here is as much of cultural significance as it is linguistic. No, I wasn’t too surprised, but what it did make me think about was my own achievements, or more accurately failures, as a student.

My Japanese sucks. Kids confuse me. Adults confuse me. Old people especially confuse me. Hell, if convenience store man catches me off guard with an offer to reheat my food I flap, stutter and hastily construct something like, ”no, warm it is not!” by way of response. I work on improving every day but, to heed my own advice, I lack the proper motivation.

The quickest way to learn a language is clearly to immerse yourself in it whilst studying. Japan’s great for this as every mispronounced utterance will still elicit a rapturous, “crikey you’re good at this!” from the kind listener. Perhaps this isn’t actually what’s best for me at all. Were I learning French in Paris I’d no doubt live in constant fear/envy of sartorial hipsters as they slide past me, curling their lips and flicking ash from their provocatively held Gauloises as I butchered their language in broad daylight. No, what I need is a kick up the rear.

I don’t need Japanese to get by here, therein lies the problem. I’ve conveniently arranged a contingent of bilingual friends who are all contactable were the muck to hit the whirly device. Everyday encounters with locals are traversed with nervous smiles and tenuously linked adjectives. I realize that Japanese has become a vanity project for me: the idea of becoming bilingual is delightful but let’s just skip all that “work” nonsense, yes? It’s the same reason I’d love to have a physique that’d leave Mssrs. Pitt, Bale and Timberlake pestering me for exercise tips, but can’t quite seem to lace up those running shoes. I’m floating on a lilo in the shallow end when I should be desperately trying to keep my head above water in the other.

Am I suggesting a little fear be injected into English teaching? No, I don’t think so. My Japanese friends have learnt English by seeking out native speakers and attempting to communicate in as many different ways as possible. Languages need to be played with, mucked about with and used continuously. My method of learning requires discipline and a little panic to reap results. Others have their own ways, but I know I learn more quickly if I’m hungry and trying to work out how to coax the shopkeeper into constructing a cheese and pickle sandwich for me. Let’s just hope he doesn’t offer to warm it up – one step at a time eh?